Coming out means openly addressing your own sexual orientation or gender identity - to yourself or to others. For many queer people, this is an important step on the path to a self-determined life.
It's not just about "confessing" something to others, but above all about being honest with yourself. Coming out means: I know who I am and I have the right to live as such.
Every coming out is unique. Some experience it early, others very late. Some deal with it openly and loudly, others opt for a quieter path. Coming out is always individual - and every decision is valid.
A distinction is often made between inner and outer Coming Out.
Inner coming outThis is the moment when you realise for yourself: I am gay, bi, trans, inter, lesbian, non-binary or asexual. This is often accompanied by many questions and feelings: "Am I really like this?" "Am I allowed to be like this?" "What does this mean for my life?" This inner coming out is a process that takes time.
External coming outWhen you share your realisation with others - e.g. with friends, family, at school or at work. This can be very liberating, but can also be associated with insecurities or fears. An external coming out often happens in stages: first a close confidant, then perhaps a wider circle. There is no fixed plan, each person chooses their own path.
Coming out is rarely a single moment. Rather, it is a process: sometimes you tell one person, sometimes a wider circle. Some people come out several times in their lives in different situations. And some make a conscious decision not to. All of this is okay.
People can come out in very different phases and environments of their lives. There is no fixed order - each person goes their own way.
Youth & SchoolFirst confrontations with one's own identity, often associated with insecurities. At the same time, this time offers the opportunity to develop self-confidence at an early age.
Study & careerMany experience their coming out when they become more independent. At work or in training, it plays a major role whether the environment is open and supportive. The topic is also present in institutions such as the Bundeswehr.
Family phaseSome people come out even though they are married or have children. This shows that coming out is also possible when you are already in the middle of life.
Later in life: Even at the age of 50, 60 or 70, many people come out. It's often about the desire to finally live openly - it's never too late.
In the queer communityFor many, the community is a safe space full of acceptance and solidarity. Coming out here often means finally belonging.
In conservative or religious environmentsComing out can be particularly challenging here. Safety and your own well-being always come first - everyone decides for themselves when and how to come out.
Self-acceptance & health
Coming out can help you to accept yourself and live a mentally healthier life. Those who no longer have to hide who they are often feel relief and a better quality of life.
Relief vs. risk
Living openly is liberating - but not every environment is safe. In hostile families, schools or jobs, coming out can also bring risks. That's why it's worth weighing things up carefully.
No compulsion
Coming out is not a must. Each person decides for themselves when, how and whether to come out. Even without coming out, you are just as queer and just as valuable.
Coming out is always an emotional journey. Many people initially feel Fear of rejection - the fear of not being accepted or even marginalised. Some actually experience Rejectionothers, on the other hand, large Support and acceptance.
The feelings can be very different: Courage, shame, relief, pride - Everything has its place and is allowed to be. For many, it is a rollercoaster that changes over time.
A common thought before coming out is: "I'm alone." But almost everyone later reports that it wasn't them. Others have had similar experiences, and that is exactly what gives them strength.
Coming out has not only a personal but also a social significance. Those who are open about their identity can encourage and show others: You are not alone.
Especially public coming-outs - for example by artists*inside, athletes*or politicians - can empower. They create role models and make it clear that queer people are visible and successful in all areas of society.
Also Campaigns such as "I KNOW WHAT I DO" contribute to this: They show real stories, give faces a stage and make diversity visible. Visibility strengthens the community - and opens up opportunities for all those who still have a way to go.
Coming out is very personal - and there is no "right" or "wrong" way. These tips can help you find your own way:
Listen to yourselfYou decide when, how and whether you come out. There is no compulsion.
Seek supportFirst confide in people from whom you hope to gain understanding - e.g. close friends or counselling centres.
Choose the right momentA calm conversation without time pressure is often better than a stressful situation.
Be aware: reactions are differentSome people need time to process your openness. Acceptance often grows step by step.
Stay safeIf your environment is hostile or dangerous, it may be better to wait to come out or only tell selected people.
Be proud of yourselfComing out requires courage. Even small steps are valuable and show: You are going your own way.
Coming out can happen at any age - at 30, 50 or even 70. Many people have previously led a "straight life", been in long-term relationships, married or had children. And yet, at some point, they have felt it: I want to live openly and honestly.
It is precisely on this page that people report precisely such experiences. Some come out after marriage, others in the middle of family life or in retirement. Their stories show: It's never too late to be true to yourself.
Coming out late in life can take courage - but it also means liberation and authenticity. The reports here make it clear that no one is alone on this path. Others have travelled it, overcome their fears and found new strength.
You can come out at your own pace. And no matter when the time comes: It is a bold step - and a valuable one.
Coming out is never just a question of sexual orientation or gender identity. Many people find that several aspects of their life play a role - and that coming out becomes more complex as a result.
Trans, inter and non-binary**: This is not just about the question of "who do I tell?", but also about recognising one's own identity in a society that often still shows little understanding. Coming out means here: Becoming visible - despite prejudices.
Bi+ and the "constant outing"Bi+, pan or queer often means that you have to explain yourself again and again - especially if you live in hetero or homo relationships. Many experience a "permanent" coming out in every new context.
Racism & Coming OutFor queer people of colour, experiences of discrimination overlap. Coming out can be doubly challenging here - at the same time, it creates spaces in which multiple identities are strengthened and become visible.
Disability & invisibilityQueer people with disabilities often experience that their sexuality or identity is overlooked. In this context, coming out also means demanding visibility and fighting against invisibilisation.
Multiple affiliations make coming out stories diverse - and show that there is not just one way. Every story is unique and valuable.
Coming out provokes very different reactions. Some people react with Support, joy or gratitude - Such experiences give strength and strengthen confidence.
Others meet you with Defence, silence or even rejection. This can be hurtful and unsettling. The important thing to remember is that these reactions say nothing about your value. People often need time to change their attitude - but sometimes they also need distance.
It is helpful to Seeking alliesFriends, the queer community, peer groups or counselling centres. You will find understanding, advice and support there - especially if your immediate environment doesn't react the way you want it to.
Coming out not only affects your personal life, but also your rights and protection in society.
Protection against discriminationIn Germany, the General Equal Treatment Act (AGG) protects against discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity - for example in the workplace, at school or in services. Anyone who experiences discrimination can defend themselves legally.
Outing by a third party (forced outing)Nobody is allowed to disclose information about your sexual orientation or gender identity without your consent. Forced outing can be hurtful and dangerous - and may also have legal consequences.
Migration law & asylumQueer life is punishable or life-threatening in some countries. People who flee for this reason can apply for protection in Germany and the EU. Coming out plays an important role in the asylum procedure.
Coming out is therefore not just a private step, but is also closely linked to social structures and rights.
Coming out means being open to yourself and to others - regardless of whether you are gay, lesbian, bi+, trans*, inter* or non-binary.
Coming out is a process. Many people come out again and again - for example in new circles of friends, relationships or at work.
Coming out is possible at any age: as a teenager, as an adult or even at 70+. There is no right time.
No. There is no compulsion to come out. Each person decides for themselves if, when and how.
Forced outing is when someone reveals your identity without your consent. This is disrespectful and can be dangerous. Talk to people you trust or get legal advice if it concerns you.
Yes, visible role models empower. They show: Queer people are everywhere - and they are not alone.
Non-binary describes people who identify neither exclusively as male nor exclusively as female. It is an umbrella term for different gender identities outside of the binary norm.
Not necessarily. Some non-binary people see themselves as part of the trans community, others do not. Trans means that your gender identity does not match the gender you were assigned at birth - this can be binary or non-binary.
This is very individual. Some people first come out to their friends or in the queer community, others at work or in the family. Non-binary people often have to explain themselves several times, as many people are not yet familiar with the term.
Many experience invisibility, a lack of understanding or a lack of official recognition (e.g. in forms, passports). Support from allies and the community is therefore particularly important.
Respect pronouns and identity, listen, and stand up for visibility and equality. Small gestures of recognition often make a big difference.
Intersex people are people whose physical sex characteristics (e.g. chromosomes, hormones or genitalia) do not clearly fit into the categories "male" or "female".
No. Inter* refers to physical characteristics at birth. Trans means that one's gender identity does not correspond to the gender assigned at birth. Some inter* people are also trans - others are not.
Many inter* people decide for themselves whether and how they talk about their physicality. Some experience coming out in a similar way to queer people in general, others only talk about it very late or never at all.
This is often due to invisibility, ignorance in society or interventions in childhood without consent. Inter* people are still fighting for self-determination and recognition today.
Yes, in Germany, in addition to "male" and "female", "diverse" or no gender at all can also be entered in the civil status register. Nevertheless, there are still hurdles in many areas.
By respecting their self-designation, not overly asking for physical details and advocating for more visibility and rights.
Bi+ includes people who are attracted to more than one gender - e.g. bi, pan or queer. It's about attraction, not the current relationship.
Yes, your sexual orientation remains valid - regardless of who you are currently with.
Not quite. Pan often describes attraction regardless of gender, while bi usually means attraction to multiple genders. Many people use the term that feels right to them.
Because others infer orientation from the current relationship. Many bi+ therefore experience having to explain themselves again and again.
Set boundaries, talk openly about your identity - and seek support in bi+ communities or counselling centres.
Talk to trusted people, choose a calm setting, be clear about what you need - and go at your own pace.
Trans means that your gender identity does not match the gender you were assigned at birth.
No. Being trans does not depend on medical steps. You are trans if you identify that way.
It can be very different: some talk to close friends first, others at work or online. The important thing is that you set the pace.
Uncertainty is completely okay. You can try things out and change your mind later - it's about your well-being.
You are entitled to respectful treatment and protection from discrimination - for example under the General Equal Treatment Act (AGG).
At trans peer groups, counselling centres or in the queer community - online or on site.
Asexual people feel little or no sexual attraction. This says nothing about whether they want closeness or relationships.
No. Asexual refers to sexuality, aromantic to the romantic level. The two can occur together - but they don't have to.
Yes, many people have relationships - with or without sex. Mutual understanding and consensus are important.
For example: "I am asexual - that means I feel little or no sexual attraction." The setting should be safe and calm.
Call it a cliché, stay calm and draw boundaries. You don't have to justify yourself.
Whether before, during or after coming out - sometimes it helps to talk to someone.
Use the Gay Health Chat - the button at the bottom right will accompany you on the page. There you get anonymous and free of charge: