How two men lead a partnership and have sex is seemingly clear. But when one transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* When one person is gay, the other sometimes has a lot of questions. Till (32) knows the mental cinema of many gay men. cisCis or cisgender describes people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Mehr Men, when it comes to transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* Men go. Two of his ex-boyfriends are transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr*. Here, the Hamburg native tells us how his friends reacted and what he took away from the relationships.
Till, two of your ex-boyfriends are transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr*. Has your self-image as a gay man changed as a result of these relationships?
No. Why? We are men who have desired and loved each other. It doesn't get any gayer than that.
Did you sometimes get any nasty reactions when you were out and about?
Never on the street, actually. As we were both read as men without a break, we only got homophobic remarks - if at all. Just like other gay couples get.
How did your friends react to your partner coming out?
First of all, it's important to know: Not all of my friends knew that my partner transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* is. Even some of my very good friends still don't know. Others only realised months later.
Why?
Because my ex-boyfriends decide for themselves who they want to share their transition story with - and when. This sometimes led to the friends who knew about it reacting with incomprehension. They would have liked my ex-boyfriends to be as open as they were. With straight friends, I could easily counter and say "You didn't tell me how long your boyfriend's cock is either! " It wasn't so easy with my gay friends, where the conversation is very open (laughs). When I said: "That's not your business!" I just had to put up with being the stupid bourgeois. It's not my favourite role, but it was important to me - out of respect for my lover.
Would you say that there are differences between a gay man and a woman? transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* Coming out?
Yes, I had to realise that first: gayGay refers to men who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to men. Important facts about the term: - "Gay" is the term used to... Mehr Being usually refers to sexuality and transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* Being always refers to gender. So we are talking about different aspects. It was important to my partners and me to be "out and proud" as gay men. Both of my partners had also come out as gay and were open about their sexuality. Unfortunately, I have sometimes experienced how gay men who identify as transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* and then had to learn that their gender and thus also their gay identity were questioned.
Can you explain that in more detail?
When my partner at the time turned out to be transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr*, his masculinity was often questioned - by the same people who previously perceived him simply as a man. What was previously unambiguous and clear then led to stupid questions like "Do you really feel like a gay couple?" or "What does it look like down there?"
How did you deal with such questions as a partner?
It all depended on the situation. If I had the feeling that the question was meant to embarrass my friend, I usually asked an equally intimate and invasive counter-question. In response to the other person's horrified reaction, I could growl "See, that's none of your business!" However, if the questions were asked respectfully and there was genuine interest behind them, I made it clear that their questions were very intimate and that I wasn't going to tell them anything so personal about my boyfriend. But I offered to talk in general about transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* I try to talk to people and try to clarify their questions this way. Sometimes, when I was too annoyed by the same questions over and over again, I would say flippantly: "Just Google it!"
Where do you think the stupid questions came from?
First of all, many people still believe that they have to and can determine who is a man between their legs - and who is not. Yet everyone knows that there is so much that goes into being a complete man! For many gay men, their sexual desire is also focussed on their partner's cock. The idea that this could be different to what they are used to makes some people feel insecure. I realised this with a very good friend of mine who found my ex incredibly hot. At some point, he was so irritated that he once asked me seriously: "Tell me, when you have sex, are you naked?" That's when I realised what kind of mental cinema he was playing.
What was his problem?
Many gay men probably feel threatened in their comfort zone when they believe that their "classic" idea of gay sex no longer applies. But sex can be so hot if you keep getting involved with the other person! This applies to all gays, regardless of whether cisCis or cisgender describes people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Mehr or transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr*. In my experience, it's at its hottest when we both find out together what makes us hot and happy at any given moment.
What was your first time with a transTrans (short for transgender or transident) describes people whose gender identity does not match the gender they are assigned. Mehr* Man? Did you negotiate what happens beforehand?
For me, it was more about sensing, feeling and doing than talking. The situation was also so good that I didn't have time to get my head round it. We fucked for four days straight and only stopped briefly to eat.
We are talking about your very personal experiences here. What do you take away from the two relationships?
Oh, lots of things! Above all, to be grateful for many wonderful experiences, just like with all my ex-boyfriends, and for a lot of very personal things ... My sexuality is no longer so genital-fixated. So much is possible! I don't just have my mouth, cock and arsehole, but also my arms, legs and the backs of my knees. The whole body is something very sexual. It's crucial that the people involved get involved with each other. Since I realised that the long doesn't always have to go round and round, I've also had better sex with cisCis or cisgender describes people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Mehr Men. (laughs)
