Bi+ Prejudices and Stereotypes

In my opinion, the most common prejudice is the belief that non-monosexual people do not exist at all. The most common form of bi-erasure – that is, the ignoring or even active denial of Bi+ identities – is the assumption that bisexual men are actually gay and bisexual women are actually straight. It is then often claimed that Bi+ people „are just seeking attention“ or „haven’t made up their minds yet“ or are „confused by their feelings“. Of course, this supposed „true“ attraction is, coincidentally, said to be directed exclusively towards men.
People who hold these views presume to understand us better than we understand ourselves. It is certainly the case that there are gay men who have, at times, identified as bisexual. Similarly, heterosexual women are entitled to, and do, question their own sexuality. I also believe that everyone should take the opportunity to question their own identity from time to time. However, bi-erasure is never justified, no matter how often false assumptions are confirmed.
The very nature of bisexuality is that it is fluid, and that is precisely what makes it so beautiful. It allows for these transitions and nuances between different sexual identities. However, one should never generalise about a group based on individual cases. There is a wide variety of diverse bisexual life experiences. Many bi+ people with a stable sexual identity are, at most, confused as to why their very existence is constantly being questioned.

In my view, this is linked not only to biphobic prejudices and the ‘bi-erasure’ described above, but also to the fact that monogamous and romantic relationships are held up as ideal by society. Supposedly, everyone is searching for the one true and eternal love, wants to get married and start a nuclear family. Within this norm, choosing a partner feels like choosing a gender; after all, the relationship is supposed to last forever. Concepts such as polyamory – that is, the ability to love several people honestly at the same time – diverse approaches to life and family, or aromantic and asexual identities still face significant difficulties in gaining acceptance within society.
It is, of course, important to recognise that bi+ is not the same as polyamory: there are polyamorous people who are monosexual, and there are pansexual people who want a monogamous relationship. There are also polysexual aromantic people and biromantic asexual people. Queerness is so wonderfully multifaceted, and there are many different intersections between various identities.
And even if it’s just a phase for some people: isn’t that perfectly fine? I don’t think that’s the case for the vast majority, though. Although the nature of one’s attractions may be fluid, a bisexual identity can be stable. And what’s wrong with people wanting to explore and experiment? As long as people aren’t playing with each other’s feelings maliciously and everyone gives their consent, I think that’s simply wonderful!

People very often ask which gender I’m most attracted to – it feels as though I’m being forced into a box. Bisexual people aren’t 40/60 or 80/20 per cent gay and straight, but 100 per cent bisexual. Yes, many bisexual people have preferences, but this „stronger“ attraction doesn’t cancel out „weaker“ attractions in other directions. Many people also experience their sexuality and attractions in cycles, known as the ‘bi-cycle’. For many, it is fluid; for many others, gender is largely or completely irrelevant to sexual or romantic attraction. I believe that for most people, whether Bi+ or not, personality chemistry is the most important factor in a long-term relationship.

For me, being bi+ means being free and honest. After a long, hard journey towards understanding and accepting myself, I can finally experience my feelings and attractions authentically, and view and value people as whole human beings, regardless of their gender. This has also helped me immensely in questioning and shaping my gender identity. As a bisexual person, I also have a better understanding of the nuances and interplay between privilege and oppression. This helps me to feel solidarity with others.

In fact, I don’t really hear much of that in my day-to-day life. I experience biphobia and bi-erasure primarily online or in other media, and even then it isn’t directed specifically at me as a person. Because my closest relationship is currently with a woman, I’m probably perceived primarily as straight. Naturally, this is rarely discussed, because it fits „the norm“.
When I come out in a setting where I feel comfortable enough, I’m usually met with understanding or genuine curiosity. I think only my parents still haven’t quite understood or come to terms with it, but I don’t discuss it any further with them. Nevertheless, I was glad to have come out to them eventually, so that I no longer feel as though I’m denying a part of myself.

The most important things are acceptance and actually being understood as bi+. Find out more and actively show that you take this identity seriously. When people are questioning their sexual identity, don’t push them in any particular direction, but accept the fact that they are questioning it as such.
Questioning one’s own identity is an intense process. It is fundamentally necessary to engage in constant self-reflection in order to discover and better understand one’s authentic self, even if this does not result in finding a new label. Throughout this process, I – like many others, I’m sure – simply wanted to feel emotionally supported.

I’ve actually done very little dating in my life. I met my current partner at work. During the relatively short time I did go on dates, any misunderstandings tended to arise from the fact that I’m polyamorous and was already in a romantic relationship at the same time.

As I said, bi erasure is a major issue, which is why visibility for Bi+ people is extremely limited. I’m grateful for every little bit of representation we get in the media. Examples that spring to mind include Nick Nelson from *Heartstopper*, Rosa Diaz from *Brooklyn Nine-Nine*, or the series *Fleabag* and *Sense8*. Socially, however, there’s definitely still room for improvement.
It’s always assumed that people have the „right“ sexuality to match their romantic relationship. It doesn’t help either when Bi+ characters or celebrities are portrayed as monosexual. For example, *Brokeback Mountain* isn’t a „gay cowboy film“, but clearly a bisexual shepherd film! Although Freddie Mercury never labelled himself, he publicly dated people of various genders; yet in the film *Bohemian Rhapsody*, he is portrayed as a gay man whose queerness is said to have led to his downfall.
I hope that biphobia and bi-erasure are addressed. I hope that more people will publicly identify as bi+ and campaign for greater visibility, and that we’ll see more stories that explore diverse bisexual experiences.

I’m sick of hearing – especially when it comes from other queer people – that bisexual people are supposedly „only into men and women“. In the worst cases, people even go so far as to say that they’re „only into cis men and women“.
Bisexual people are generally not obsessed with the patriarchal binary gender system. The „bi“ in bisexual does not stand for „the two genders“, but for what lies outside the binary or monosexual orientations of „homo’ and “hetero’. The Bisexual Manifesto, which was published in 1990 in the US Bi+ activist magazine *Anything That Moves* – and had already been circulated prior to that – stated explicitly even back then: ‘Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have “two” sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, do not assume that there are only two genders.’
(In German: „Don’t assume that bisexuality is binary or a dichotomy, that we must have ‚two‘ sides, or that we MUST engage with both genders at the same time in order to be fulfilled as people. In fact, do not assume that there are only two genders.“).
Yes, there are some transphobic bisexual people, but the problem is their transphobia, not their bisexuality.

First of all: I am incredibly proud of you for daring to question the identity that has been assigned to you. No matter where you end up, if you approach this honestly, you will find your way closer to yourselves through this inner journey. Please don’t let labels and the stereotypes associated with them unsettle you. Labels are there to describe, not to dictate. So choose a label that liberates you, rather than restricting you. No matter how specific or vague it may seem, or whether it makes sense to others: it should suit you.
You don’t have to identify with any label at all, or you can simply remain in a state of questioning if that’s what you’re comfortable with. „Questioning“ can also be a stable identity. There isn’t just one way to be Bi+. There isn’t just one way to be queer. Identity is, after all, something extremely personal. You’re valid, no matter how firmly defined your identity is. You deserve for people to believe that you know best who you are. Bisexuality is always open to anyone who wants to embrace and explore their fluidity – whether as a stepping stone or a destination, as long as you remain true to yourself.