More and more gay men are turning to needles to inject drugs and sexual enhancers (slamming). Many do not realise that they also run a high risk of HIV and hepatitis. So it's high time to practise the safer use rules in order to reduce the risks when injecting. By Florian Winkler-Ohm
For many gay men, alcohol and other drugs have always been part of (sex) parties. Recently, however, needles and cannulas - which are "traditionally" associated with heroin addicts - have become increasingly common in places where men have sex with men.
Splashing is now called slamming
When slamming, many users inject themselves with methamphetamine - also known as crystal meth, tina, ice or tweak. The drug was developed in Japan at the end of the 19th century. During the Second World War, German soldiers used it en masse under the name Pervitin. It was intended to wake soldiers up and suppress their fears in battle - it became known as "Panzerschokolade" or "Stuka-Tablette".
Crystal meth has been on the rise again in the party scene for around two years - at least according to media reports. More and more people are consuming it by syringe, i.e. intravenously. In the past, it was usually smoked, swallowed or vaped. The reason: more desire, more intense sex, staying "fit" for longer. But this often leads to insomnia for days on end.
A study by the Centre for Interdisciplinary Addiction Research at the University of Hamburg is currently investigating the spread and consequences of meth use on behalf of the Federal Ministry of Health.
Crystal is quickly addictive. It can severely damage the body and mind in the long term. But there are also risks apart from the direct effects. The drug lowers pain thresholds and increases the willingness to take risks. This leads to long, hard sessions - often without condoms. Mucous membranes are heavily contaminated. This increases the risk of HIV, hepatitis and other infections.
According to studies, up to 75 % of crystal users are HIV-positive. HIV medication is often forgotten during long sessions. This can lead to resistance and make a new therapy necessary.
When the syringe is cheaper than Viagra
But it's not just drugs that are increasingly being injected. More and more gay men are also injecting drugs such as Caverject or Androskat into their penile erectile tissue to achieve reliable potency; this is now cheaper than Viagra and comparable substances. The effect is an erection lasting one to two hours - if used and dosed correctly. Overdosing and hypersensitivity to the erection-promoting active ingredients can lead to a painful permanent erection. If this lasts longer than four hours, there is a risk of damage to the penile tissue, which can lead to permanent loss of erectile function, among other things.
But these are not the only risks associated with potency injections. As the contents last for up to three applications, it is not uncommon for syringes to be passed on to one or more partners during a sex session. Tibor Harrach, pharmacist and drug expert, warns urgently against this "needle sharing": "A small amount of bleeding can occur at the injection site during the injection. This can increase the risk of transmitting the infection to a partner in patients who suffer from a blood-borne infectious disease. With hepatitis B and C in particular, even an invisibly small amount of blood is enough to cause an infection."
Never share your syringe with anyone else
Harrach calls for clear prevention messages - just as they have been for years for heroin users. The most important sentence for him: "Never share your syringe with anyone else."
Instead of focusing on accusations and moral condemnation, he pleads for education, counselling and an accepting approach to the scene.
He also advises vaccinations against hepatitis A and B as well as regular tests for hepatitis C. If hepatitis C is recognised early, chronicity can usually be prevented - and the infection of other people can also be avoided.
You can find information on minimising risks when using drugs and important rules for dealing with various substances on our Drugs topic page. You can find instructions on how to do this in the "Safer Use" brochure. You can download this download here.
Tough times for fans of adult films. Scientists warn of side effects. How much porn is unhealthy? Does porn actually cause impotence and addiction? A report on the right amount and surprising similarities between teenagers and prisoners.
Bad news from Great Britain. Sexit looms after Brexit: More and more young Brits can't get it upThe psychotherapist Angela Gregory from Nottingham University Hospitals warned in August 2016 that this is triggered by the very films that make many men so hot in the first place. Angela Gregory fears that porn causes impotence, or in medical terms: erectile dysfunction. More and more male teenagers and men in their mid-twenties are coming to Gregory's practice complaining of lulls in bed, a condition that previously only occurred in old age. "Now the first thing I ask about is porn and masturbation habits," Gregory told BBC Newsbeat. "They may be the reason why these young men can't maintain an erection when they're with a partner."
Porn and porn consumption: How often do people watch it?
If there's any truth to this theory, things look bad for gay men. Watching porn is part of everyday life for them. This is confirmed by a survey published by the gay health magazine FS in the summer, appropriately enough in England. The results are not representative, but provide an indication of how naturally gay men consume pornography. 52 per cent of respondents indulge in sex videos several times a week. Almost a third even click on Redtube & Co. every day. The vast majority stay on for a maximum of half an hour. Only 7 per cent watch more than 60 minutes at a time. The biggest difference compared to the last survey: 60 per cent of users now watch porn on their mobile phones, compared to just a quarter in 2012. This means that porn is even more readily available.
Porn is the most natural thing in the world
Hannes from Hamburg also watches regularly and has not noticed any health side effects so far. On the contrary: "Porn is the most natural thing in the world," says the 51-year-old. He watches porn three to four times a week - on his mobile phone or tablet, less often on DVD. "It can go on for an hour," reports Hannes. "I watch very consciously and enjoy it." In his favourite genre, men and women come together. Because more men are involved, they fuck each other. "I have a tendency towards slightly more dominant videos where one person is used," confesses Hannes. The freelancer makes a clear distinction between fucking and fiction: for him, real sex experiences and porn are fundamentally different things. "Of course, the porn is subconsciously inside me, but I don't act out scenes. When I have sex, it's totally dependent on the situation and my partner. It's often very surprising."
Porn consumption: Where does the pleasure end and when does porn addiction begin?
Marcus Behrens also considers porn to be harmless to health. The qualified psychologist works for the Mann-O-Meter, a Berlin information centre for gay men, among others. "Pornography and sex are first and foremost a private matter for everyone," emphasises the 48-year-old. "If it's okay with me and I'm not harming anyone, then it's not a psychological problem - and it's nobody else's business either."
So far, at least, porn has not caused any complaints among the men who ask the Mann-O-Meter for advice. If it comes up at all, it is in connection with online addiction. "Some of our clients have the feeling: I can't get my head out of the computer," reports Marcus Behrens. "It starts with Facebook and doesn't stop with Gayromeo." However, the number of cases has not increased over the past ten years - despite smartphones and flat rates.
Where does the pleasure end and the addiction begin? It is also difficult to draw a clear line when it comes to porn consumption. "One possible sign is when I can no longer jerk off without porn."
Porn consumption in check: When does porn become addictive and harmful in everyday life?
Even if it rarely occurs in Marcus Behrens' day-to-day counselling: porn has the potential to become a narcotic. As early as 2014, the Max Planck Institute for Human Development announced that porn videos change the brain. The scientists scanned the brain activity of 64 men and found that the brain's reward system was conspicuously small in the test subjects who regularly watched sex films. "This could mean that the regular consumption of pornography wears out the reward system to a certain extent," explains study author Simone Kühn. The researchers suspect a similar effect as with other addictive substances: The user has to constantly increase the dose in order to achieve a pleasurable effect.
But where does the pleasure end and the addiction begin? It is difficult to draw a clear line when it comes to porn consumption. "One possible sign is when I can't get off without porn," says Marcus Behrens. Another indication: Is the fun already harming me in everyday life? For example, do I risk a warning by accessing porn sites on my office computer? As with all addictions, the same applies here: As soon as colleagues, friends or family members are affected, you should take a close look at your consumer behaviour.
According to Marcus Behrens, excessive consumption of sex films - as well as real sex - is often caused by feelings of loneliness and inferiority. In the case of gay men, these are often exacerbated by self-hatred, which experts refer to as internalised homophobia. "Those affected have the feeling that something is not going right with me," explains Behrens. "Then they - consciously or unconsciously - look for a solution and try out various remedies." Porn consumption is just one of many. Several usually work together. "It depends very much on which addictive substance is available and works for me," explains Marcus Behrens. "For one person it's shopping, for another it's porn."
Categorise porn consumption: No automatism to porn addiction
But that doesn't mean that everyone who watches porn is in danger. "It makes sense to help people who are suffering from their sexuality," emphasises Marcus Behrens, "but when it comes to porn consumption and sexuality in particular, people are always quick to say: Uiuiui, that's either sick or criminal. This moralisation is wrong." Most men could easily regulate their porn consumption.
The Berlin psychologist also considers the warning about porn-induced impotence to be exaggerated - even though his British colleague pointed out an interesting phenomenon: Erectile dysfunction caused by too much fantasy sex. Psychologists are familiar with this effect from prisoners. They often can't get it up either when they are finally allowed to sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend again after a long prison sentence. They have forgotten how to feel pleasure with someone they can not only see, but also smell, taste and feel. "The brain is then polarised to fantasy," explains Marcus Behrens. "The only thing that's hot is what's going on in my mind's eye - a kind of porn that I'm directing." The young Brits are probably facing similar adjustment difficulties: They have to switch from two-dimensional porn to three-dimensional sex - with a flesh-and-blood partner. But don't worry, says Marcus Behrens: "You can always relearn sexuality."
FAQ on pornography and porn consumption
In this FAQ on porn and porn consumption, we answer frequently asked questions: What is porn, when does porn consumption become porn addiction, what role does the brain play and how do I recognise that it is harming me or my everyday life?
What is porn actually?
Porn refers to deliberately sexually arousing images or videos. They show staged sex, are edited, illuminated and often follow certain fantasies or clichés. They only depict parts of sexuality and are not a realistic guide to real sex.
Is porn consumption fundamentally unhealthy?
As things stand today, normal porn consumption is unproblematic for many people. The decisive factor is not so much whether I watch porn, but how much it occupies me: Do I still feel like having real contact, can I control my consumption?
When do you become addicted to porn?
There is no fixed number of minutes or videos. We tend to talk about problematic porn consumption when several points come together: I lose control over frequency, can hardly masturbate without porn, neglect sleep, work, relationships or other interests and suffer from it myself.
Can porn change the brain?
Studies show that intensive porn consumption can be associated with changes in the brain's reward system. Similar to other habits, the system can become accustomed to strong stimuli, so that some people need more and more or increasingly extreme content. This does not automatically mean addiction, but it does show that dose and context are important.
What are the warning signs of problematic porn consumption?
Warning signs can be: I need stronger and stronger stimuli to arouse me; I feel ashamed or empty after watching; I use porn mainly to combat loneliness, stress or self-hatred; I continue watching despite negative consequences, such as conflicts in relationships, problems at work or less interest in real encounters.
What can I do if I feel like I'm watching too much porn?
It can be helpful to observe your own porn consumption for a while: When, how often, in which situations and how do you feel before and after? Small experiments such as porn-free days, alternative strategies to combat stress or consciously being more physically close in real life can provide clues. If the level of suffering or loss of control is high, counselling or therapy is a good option.
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Hello Klaus! Congratulations on five years Gay Health Chat! What exactly is the Gay Health Chat and who is it aimed at?
Thank you very much!
The Gay Health Chat is an internet counselling service. It works without registration and is free of charge. It is aimed at gay men and all men who have sex with men. This also includes trans* men, as well as non-binary and gender non-conforming people who feel they belong to the gay community.
Why was the Gay Health Chat created?
Small counselling centres and AIDS service organisations simply don't always have the money or resources to set up an online chat. With Gay Health Chat, Deutsche Aidshilfe provides the technology and ensures good quality. The counsellors then join in from 46 counselling centres: from Austria, Germany and Switzerland.
Who advises at the Gay Health Chat and how are the counsellors trained?
Everyone who works for us has been trained as an HIV/STI counsellor by Deutsche Aidshilfe. And we regularly train everyone in online communication, because it is much more difficult to assess how the other person is doing when typing and without visual contact. This year, we are also adding additional training to become first aiders for mental health problems. Our counsellors are all gay or queer themselves and work, for example, at gay checkpoints, in the IWWIT team or at AIDS service organisations - a very colourful mix.
What kind of questions do people come to the Gay Health Chat with?
Most of the questions have to do with sex. We're the AIDS service organisation and we know our way around that particularly well. But since corona, more and more people have been chatting to us because they feel like shit, are lonely and can't cope. We can help them too.
Which topics are people perhaps not yet so aware of, but which you can still advise on?
We talk a lot and have learnt a lot about drugs during sex in recent years: why is it particularly hot and what steps are necessary when it's no longer fun - we can now offer good help. In addition, every counsellor has experienced coming out as a gay man and can therefore understand everyone else who is currently dealing with this issue. How can I become a self-confident, courageous person in this world? That is our goal.
The "positive voices 2.0" study was published in September 2021. It shows: As a rule, people with HIV can live very well with their infection. This was confirmed by almost 90% of respondents. However, the problem with living with HIV is discrimination and stigmatisation - even in the gay community.
This was reason enough for us to make the results of the study one of our main topics this year! People living with HIV were involved in this survey from the very beginning. People with HIV interviewed other people with HIV. This created an important situation of trust so that the interviewees could share their authentic experiences.
Some people with HIV also have their say in our new video! Watch it here:
At ICH WEISS WAS ICH TU (IWWIT), people with HIV have been an important part of our campaign from the very beginning. Just like authentic images of life with HIV. They prevent stigmatisation and discrimination.
If you would like to support us in our work, then share this video! And tell people about a very special piece of good news: HIV is not transmissible under therapy. Because that's what the study also showed: This news has greatly relieved those affected.
Show solidarity wherever people with HIV are marginalised or discriminated against! And find out more at iwwit.de! Here you will find lots more information about living with HIV. And you will find information on how you or others can defend yourself against discrimination and marginalisation.
A vocal powerhouse with strong messages: "Pink Rebell" LEOPOLD has been conquering more and more stages, podcasts and TV shows with political and militant music for some time now. Next big dream: the Eurovision Song Contest! Our author Michael G. Meyer spoke to LEOPOLD.
Your music is unusual, especially your voice stands out from the usual pop music. How did you get your unusual voice, was it a lot of training and lessons?
I think the fact that my voice is considered unusual shows how strongly we still think in terms of gender roles. It's not expected that a man can have a higher voice or a woman a lower voice. In my case, I've always had a high speaking and singing voice, even as a child. I've always sung a lot and experimented with my voice and thus, consciously and unconsciously, trained my voice. I also had singing lessons during my studies, which allowed me to develop my voice further.
"The fact that my voice is seen as unusual shows how strongly we still think in terms of gender roles."
You are compared to Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga and some other stars, what role models do you have yourself?
Musically, artistically and as a person, I find Prince, Janelle Monáe, Lady Gaga, David Bowie and Beyoncé incredibly exciting and inspiring. Aretha Franklin had a huge influence on me vocally.
Where does the name LEOPOLD come from?
My great-uncle and great-grandfather on my father's side were both called Leopold. My parents gave me Leopold, along with two other names, as my first name in memory of both of them.
Bayerischer Rundfunk once called you a "queerness glitter bag" - what does "queerness" mean to you?
For me, queerness means being colourful, loud and proud, celebrating your own differences and standing up for them.
You're from Würzburg, no offence, but that's not exactly the queerest place in Germany. How did you grow up there and how did you get into music?
I grew up in a small village near Würzburg. Of course, queerness wasn't as present there as it would have been in a larger city. I have a great family and had a very nice, carefree childhood. Our parents did a lot for my siblings and me. We always listened to a lot of different music at home. When I was about 8 years old, my parents enrolled me in a children's and youth choir in the neighbouring village. That's how I got into music at an early age.
How is your private life Leopold, how do you separate your professional and private lives?
My name alone separates my professional from my private life, because Leopold is not my first name and I only use it on stage. As far as my appearance is concerned, I tend to walk around casually in my private life and don't wear high heels, flashy outfits or make-up. In my private life I tend to be inconspicuous and sometimes reserved and shy.
Have you experienced discrimination yourself, such as hate comments online?
Yes, I regularly receive hate messages on social media as comments or private messages. Even in real life, I'm often looked at funny or publicly insulted.
I'm very sorry about that. How do you see the debates in Germany regarding queerness at the moment? For example, where do you think we stand on the issue of "trans*"?
A lot has happened in Germany in recent years, including with regard to the gender and pronoun debate. Nevertheless, as LGBTQIA+ we still do not enjoy the same rights as cis and heterosexual people. We also regularly experience discrimination and marginalisation. The right to self-determination, the opportunity to donate blood and much more are all things that have already been initiated in some cases, but have not yet been implemented.
Queerness in pop music is more present than it used to be. How do you see that and where do you fit in?
That's true, but for my taste there could still be more queer acts in the international and German pop landscape. I try to use my music to bring queer topics out of the niche and into the mainstream, making them more accessible to people. My music itself is catchy and poppy - but with certain rough edges.
How do you deal with your look and sex appeal in public? What would be too daring for you? What is important to you to convey?
First and foremost, it's about feeling good. If something doesn't feel good for me or isn't flattering, I don't do it or don't wear it. I pursue a certain aesthetic with my outfits and performances and don't want to appear vulgar. It can be offensive, but at the same time it should be stylish and glamorous.
Your outfits are certainly very carefully chosen, do you have a particular style?
First and foremost, I look for outfits that appeal to me and that I think might look good on me. I want to look stylish and elegant in my outfits. I also like them to be more unusual and extravagant. I regularly work with different, mostly queer designers.
"The ESC is every year. And I will definitely apply again."
You were in the selection for the ESC, which unfortunately didn't work out. Are you disappointed or have you already got over it?
At first, of course, I was disappointed - also because my team and I have been working towards this for a long time. But I think maybe it just wasn't meant to be this year. The good thing is that the ESC is every year. And I will definitely apply again.
What are your next projects?
There are lots of concerts coming up again in 2022 and I will also be releasing new music. There will also be some innovations, so you'll be in for a surprise 😉
Where can we see you live next? Concerts are finally taking place again!
I will be performing again at festivals and of course at some CSD and Pride events, more information will be announced soon. If you want to stay up to date and don't want to miss anything, you can contact me at Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and YouTube follow.
For the first time, Max Appenroth, an openly trans* person, was elected Mr Gay Germany. We spoke to Max about the contest, trans* hostility in the gay community and Max's campaign #ProudToBeAlive.
Trigger warning: This interview is about trans* hostility, mental well-being and suicide, among other things.
Max, you've had several coming-outs, would you like to tell us about them?
When I was 13, I came out as a lesbian. It was my first coming out. At the time, it felt wrong for me as a "woman" with men. At some point I realised that I wasn't a woman and had another coming out as trans*. I also more or less came out as a gay person because my identity and my changed appearance gave me access to other spaces such as gay bars and saunas and allowed me to live my sexuality differently. Then two years ago I had a different kind of coming out as a non-binary trans* person. So I feel comfortable in the male spectrum, but I am clearly more than "just" a man.
What does the term "non-binary people" mean?
Non-binary people can see themselves as "both male and female" or as "neither male nor female" or reject the dual-gender construct altogether.
When did you feel most comfortable in your body during this time?
Now I feel very comfortable in my body. I don't like the narrative that trans* people are born in the wrong body. I was born in the perfect body! There was only one time when I didn't feel comfortable with certain parts of my body and wanted to modify them to feel 100% comfortable in this body. That was ten years ago when I had an operation to have my breasts removed. Since then, my body is just perfect the way it is.
What does the term "transition" mean?
Transition describes the (medical, legal, social, physical) process of people who do not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth to express and approximate their gender identity and physical experience.
What was the route to the operation like?
Difficult! Finding expert information on the subject of transition is not easy. You have to find out everything for yourself: What do I want? What options do I have? In addition, in Germany it usually takes one to two years from the application to the health insurance company to the operation. And the applications are often rejected. Then you have to appeal and then wait again for processing until you finally get the OK. I wouldn't have been able to stand it any longer, both mentally and physically, because I had my breasts tied off and everything pressed flat. That means your chest is permanently compressed, you can't breathe, you can't really walk upright, you have back pain. So I had my breast operation in the USA. I had to pay a lot myself, but it meant I could avoid a really bad process with the health insurance company and get to my destination faster.
What does the term "cis men" mean?
Cis men were assigned the gender "male" at birth and they still identify with it today.
Does the infrastructure of Germany's queer scene lack prevention messages and organisations for trans* people?
Absolutely! Even though Germany is generally a great country when it comes to healthcare, this doesn't apply to trans* people because there is far too little knowledge about our bodies and needs. Even in queer initiatives that are committed to healthcare, much more simply needs to be done so that we are seen and can really participate. In other words, not that something is done for us by someone, but that we as a community are allowed to do it for ourselves.
For example, prevention campaigns: If no trans* people are involved, how do you know how best to address the community? If only gay cis men can be seen on all the posters, but no trans* people, I don't feel addressed. You simply have to look at how you represent the communities and how you work with them in order to really do the best possible work that also reflects the needs of the community. I work primarily in the field of HIV prevention, especially for trans* people, and I can see how much work still needs to be done.
Gay. Trans*. Part of the scene!
Our brochure "Gay. Trans*. Part of the scene!" offers gay trans* and cis men, gender-nonconforming and non-binary people who feel part of the gay community all the information they need on respectful behaviour within our diverse scene, gay sex and protection against HIV (safer sex). Brief information on trans* history and important activists as well as links to more information round off the brochure. You can find it at iwwit.de/trans!
Max wants to focus more on the high suicide rate among queer teenagers and young adults.
How can your work and the community benefit from your victory as Mr Gay Germany?
Thanks to the increased visibility I now have, more people follow me on social media or I am invited to various events. This gives me more reach and of course also has an impact on my work because more people are aware of the problems and the difficult situation and are listening.
What was your motivation to take part in the competition?
I stumbled across it by chance on social media and realised that it's not just a beauty contest, but that content takes centre stage. Each person has to stand up for a specific issue and launch a campaign for it. I thought that was pretty cool and got to grips with it. As a trans* person, I always get hostility from the gay community, so I also thought that I would like to show people in a contest like this that we trans* people are very much part of the community.
"Just because they can't imagine having sex with a trans* person doesn't mean that has to apply to everyone in the gay community."
So you experience discrimination from the gay community?
The gay community is one of my communities and I feel at home there. But sometimes I hear things like "You have no place here" or "That's not a "real" man, so you can't be in the gay community". Maybe there's a lack of education here: not everyone has to find me attractive or imagine going to bed with me. I don't want to go to bed with everyone either. But just because I personally can't imagine something, or don't like something, doesn't mean that others can't like it. Just because they can't imagine having sex with a trans* person doesn't mean that everyone in the gay community has to.
"You don't have to be able to understand my identity to accept me."
What would you say to these people?
As trans* people, we are not taking anything away from anyone. I don't want to abolish any gender. I just want to be able to live with respect and dignity, just like everyone else. People don't have to be able to understand my identity to accept me. I can't understand a lot of things either. But that doesn't mean it can't exist just because I don't understand it. Nevertheless, this is the best proof that my work for more trans* visibility is still needed, and in fact, comments like this act like petrol in my engine. That's exactly why I'm doing more.
"For me, comments like that are like petrol in my engine."
Back to the competition: how did it go?
Everything went relatively quickly. I applied online at the end of October and had my first telephone interview a week later. Then I had to develop a community campaign in the next three days. I thought about a campaign and presented it. Shortly afterwards, I found out that I was in the semi-finals. Between the semi-final and the final, you have to continue building the campaign to show the jury in the final how you are working on it. The final came exactly six weeks after the first phone call. The other competitors were of different ages and backgrounds. Not all of them were totally slim and muscular either, but simply had different body shapes. I thought it was nice to see that it wasn't just about muscle-bound cis men. It was a short, intense time, but when I heard my name in the final, it was an indescribable moment. It was a huge load off my mind.
What is your campaign about?
It is called #ProudToBeAlive (proud to be alive) and deals with the high suicide rate among queer teenagers and young adults. Unfortunately, this is a topic that we rarely talk about. I would like to improve this situation in two ways: Firstly, by creating a professional crisis support structure for young LGBTQIA+ in the form of online counselling parallel to telephone counselling, through which help is offered in acute situations.
And in the long term, I want to increase the visibility of queer people in children's and young adult literature. When queer children and young people see in children's books that there are other people who are just like them - in other words, when they always find themselves - they get the feeling that they are not alone. And that you are okay just the way you are. I believe that if they realise this from an early age, they could lead a completely different life than if they had to cope with it alone. My first trans*-empowering children's book will be published in German and English at the beginning of April, it's called "No matter what changes, the heart remains exactly the same".
Max, good luck with it and thank you very much for the interview!
Trans* men, non-binary and gender non-conforming people are part of the gay scene! Find out more about our campaign "Gay. Trans*. Part of the scene!" Click on www.iwwit.de/trans!
Gay Health Chat
Are you looking for someone to talk to? Someone who will listen to you and possibly give you advice? Then chat with counsellors from the community at www.gayhealthchat.de!
Hint
There are situations that are anything but easy. There is help here: - Telephone counselling: 0800-1110111 and 0800-1110222 - German Depression Relief Foundation
The first reactions after an HIV diagnosis are often very different. Many people initially experience the news as a shock and wonder what life will be like now. This is exactly where Buddy.hiv comes in: the German AIDS service organisation's project provides contacts throughout Germany to people who have been living with HIV for some time and can support them in their first steps into life with HIV.
Support from person to person
A buddy is someone who knows from their own experience what the first time after a diagnosis can feel like. The programme is aimed at people with HIV regardless of gender or age. The exchange is intended to provide orientation, give courage and show that a natural life with HIV is possible.
How Buddy.hiv works
On Buddy.hiv, users can search for a suitable buddy, narrow down the selection regionally and then contact them directly. More than 40 specially trained people with HIV are currently active in the project throughout Germany - from different walks of life and age groups.
Why the offer is important
Even though HIV is easily treatable today, a positive test result is often experienced as stressful. This makes it all the more important to have someone to talk to who knows the situation from their own experience. IWWIT therefore describes the Buddy Project as support, especially in the first phase after the diagnosis - with advice, emotional support and dialogue at eye level.
Buddy.hiv in figures
over 40 active buddies nationwide
1,001 people accompanied
Accompaniments in 7 languages
98 % would recommend the project to others
Need someone to talk to?
Whether acute or simply for orientation - sometimes it helps to talk to someone in confidence. Use the Gay Health Chat - the button at the bottom right will accompany you on the page. There you can chat anonymously and free of charge:
- Personal live advice in the chat - Help by e-mail or telephone - Information on health, law, everyday life and more
On his new album "Boyology", Danish pop singer Asbjørn pleads for a different understanding of masculinity - and encourages gay men in particular to embrace their vulnerability.
Back in 1984, Herbert Grönemeyer asked "When is a man a man?". Almost four decades have passed since then, and the question still lingers. The Danish pop singer Asbjørn is also preoccupied with it. Ultimately, this question is also about his own identity as a queer man and a new self-image of masculinity.
Emancipation from the traditional male ideal
This debate runs like a red thread through his new, now third album. It is, as the 29-year-old says, his "emancipation from the traditional male ideal and the invisible expectations in society and of ourselves as to what a man should or should not be". Asbjørn expresses this most clearly in his melancholy, reflective song "Be Human" in succinct verses: "I don't wanna be a man/ If man means power, to not empower others". And "I don't wanna be a man/ If man means violence instead of showing kindness."
The album cover of "Boyology" by Asbjørn. (Artwork by Max Binski)
With a wistful falsetto, Asbjørn sings about mendacious, outdated and toxic notions of masculinity. In the end, he asks: "Can I just be human? / Can I just be me?" Simply being yourself, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, is one of the messages that Asbjørn has packaged in clever yet danceable pop. Just like the message: above all, believe in yourself and don't pretend, even when it comes to matters of love.
A sung "Fuck you..." to his old record company
The singer, musician and producer, who grew up near Aarhus, seems to be speaking from his own experience. Several songs tell of broken relationships and at the same time of the fear of firm commitments. "Remember my Name" is one of them, another very emotional track driven by electronic beats. The verse lines "Rember my name, the boy that got away" can be understood as a message to an ex who was caught cold by the break-up. For Asbjørn, however, the song also has a completely different, very personal interpretation. Strictly speaking, it is a "I can do it without you" greeting to his old record company. However, the material he had worked on for his third album in his adopted home of Berlin was not commercial enough for them.
"I was deeply hurt by the cynicism of the industry," admits Asbjørn. That's why he retreated to a summer house in Denmark, "where I could shout at the sea to ignite the last remnants of my resilience and prove them wrong."
Inspired by Lyykie Li, Robyn and other great artists
In the eleven songs on "Boylogica", Asbjørn shows what he has learnt from his musical role models such as Lyykie Li, Timbaland, Robyn and Missy Elliott. Above all, however, he shows that an intimate and intense confrontation is also possible in dancefloor and radio-friendly songs - with one's own and with society's expectations of interpersonal relationships and supposedly typical gender behaviour.
"like a queer coming-of-age short film"
Asbjørn about his "The Boyology Series" on YouTube
Asbjørn thought he had long since overcome these expectations, but then realised to his own surprise that he was "suppressing his love pain in this super stereotypical way". For him, this realisation was the catalyst for this album. And there is no doubt in his mind that he is drawn to men when it comes to love. His videos, like those for his first two albums, are unambiguous and open-hearted. Asbjørn has selected three songs from the new album and produced videos for them that, as he says himself, are intended to feel "like a queer coming-of-age short film". This "The Boyology Series" can be seen on YouTube.
Sex in old age: between change, closeness and new lust
Sex doesn't stop just because we get older - on the contrary. Many people experience a new quality of intimacy and pleasure as they get older. But „sex in old age“ is still a taboo subject in our society, especially when it comes to gay men.
A lot changes as you get older: your body reacts differently, your libido can fluctuate and sometimes health issues take centre stage. At the same time, emotional closeness becomes more important. Instead of the pressure to perform, mindfulness, trust and new experiences take centre stage.
Society also has some catching up to do: the sexuality of older people - especially gay men - is often overlooked. This makes it all the more important to talk about it openly.
Openness and joie de vivre even beyond the age of 60
Physical changes
The hormonal balance changes with increasing age - testosterone levels in particular fall. This can have an impact on libido, erectile function and sexual performance. These physical changes are completely normal and are part of natural ageing.
Nevertheless, sex remains fulfilling for many men in old age - often even more intense, because the focus shifts: less on performance and more on closeness, mindfulness and conscious enjoyment. If you recognise and accept your body's signals, you can live your sexuality healthily and confidently in old age. If necessary, medical counselling or supportive aids can also help to reduce insecurities.
Sexual health in old age
Sex in old age is not only possible, but can also be beneficial to your health. Studies show that regular sexual activity can have positive effects on the circulatory system, immune system and mental well-being. The prostate also benefits - according to some studies, regular ejaculation can reduce the risk of prostate problems.
At the same time, hormonal changes or chronic illnesses can bring challenges. It is therefore important to be aware of your own body and be willing to talk about problems. Sexually transmitted diseases are also often underestimated in old age - regular testing and protection are just as relevant as in younger years.
Psychological aspects of sex in old age
Sex in old age is not only a physical but also an emotional challenge and opportunity at the same time. Many men struggle with insecurities, for example due to physical changes, diminishing potency or societal ideas about how „masculine“ or „powerful“ sexuality should be.
Self-image plays a central role here. If you accept yourself and treat your own body with love, you can also experience intimacy in a new way - free from pressure or expectations. Especially in old age, deeper, more honest relationships often develop because many men know their needs better and are more open about them. Sexuality in old age does not mean withdrawal, but often a new approach to closeness, pleasure and self-confidence.
Open dialogue, closeness and community in old age
Partnership and relationship
With increasing age, the dynamics in partnerships often change and with them sexuality. Many couples experience less sexual activity, but a deeper form of intimacy. Conversations about desires, boundaries and new needs become more important.
Sex in old age doesn't have to look like it used to. For some couples, this means more tenderness, more attentiveness and less pressure to perform. For others, it can mean allowing new impulses or getting over longstanding taboos. Long-standing relationships in particular benefit from honest communication and the courage to rediscover things.
Social perspectives
In our society, sex in old age is still a taboo subject - especially when it comes to gay men. Older bodies are often seen as asexual, invisible or no longer desirable. These prejudices can become deeply engrained in their self-image and lead to men feeling ashamed of their sexual desires or suppressing them. Yet the need for closeness, lust and intimacy is not a question of age. On the contrary: many men discover new facets of their sexuality later in life. This makes it all the more important that these experiences are seen and recognised. Sex in old age deserves visibility, respect and a natural place in the public eye.
Practical tips for fulfilling sex in old age
Sex in old age can change and can also be rediscovered. If you keep an open mind and embrace your own needs, you can experience a lot. Small aids such as lubricants, sexual enhancers or sex toys can help when the body changes. A relaxed atmosphere, time and trust also play an important role. Communication is just as important: talking openly about desires, fears or boundaries creates closeness, especially in new relationships. Anyone who feels insecure can also seek medical or therapeutic support.
Sex in old age - 4 testimonials
The prejudice persists that old people don't have sex. Not at all! Perhaps priorities are shifting and cuddling is becoming more important than a hot fuck, but sex still plays a role in the 60-plus generation, as these four gay men report by way of example.
Sex in old age - 4 testimonials
Sex with your partner
K
Kurt (62)
from Zeitz
I've been living with my partner for eight years. We got married four years ago. Many couples just sleep in the same bed after such a long time, but nothing happens. With us, however, it does.
We regularly have sex with each other, but also with other men - sometimes together, sometimes individually. That gives our sex life the necessary spice.
„But when we invite someone over, we expect more than just lying down and holding out our hole. For us, sex includes kissing, tenderness, licking and rimming as well as a hot blowjob.“
Sex as a single
J
Julio (66)
from Cologne
Why so many gay men have a problem with getting older is a mystery to me. I still have sex and find it much more intense than when I was younger.
But sometimes I'm also looking for a kick: I regularly fly to Gran Canaria to go naturist. I feel free in the dunes of Maspalomas and enjoy the fact that others feel the same way.
„I stopped going to bars a long time ago. They're all giraffes: first they stick their necks out and then you look at them and they bury their heads in the sand.“
Sex for money
JC
Jean-Claude (66)
from Karlsruhe
When I was as young as the men I find beautiful and attractive, homosexuality was still considered sick and disgusting. I find it wonderful when a young man lies next to me and I can give him the love that I lacked back then.
It goes without saying that I give them something for their tenderness and the time they spend with me.
„But I've never ordered a professional callboy. That would be far too business-like for me. I need the feeling of being liked.“
Hardly any sex
K
Karl (60)
from Dillenburg
Everyone has certain ideas about a potential sex partner. I myself like the look of younger, sporty men. But there has to be a good interpersonal fit too. That makes it almost impossible for me to stay sexually active.
Because for my target group, I'm an old bag and I live in a real backwater. Sex for sale is out of the question for me.
„But not having sex doesn't mean that I'm frustrated. I mainly have younger friends. I've also retained a bit of eroticism: I'm a passionate wrestler.“
FAQ: Frequently asked questions about sex in old age
Is sex still healthy in old age?
Yes, studies show that regular sex in old age can have a positive effect on the cardiovascular system, hormones and mental well-being. The prostate also benefits from sexual activity.
How often do men have sex in old age?
That is very individual. Some have more desire than before, others less. The important thing is not the frequency, but that sexuality in old age meets your own needs.
Are there aids for fulfilling sex in old age?
Yes, sexual enhancers, lubricants or sex toys can help when the body is changing. Counselling from doctors or sex therapy can also help.
What to do about erectile dysfunction in old age?
Erection problems are common in old age. Open dialogue with your partner and medical help can provide relief. Medication and other aids are well tolerated today.
How does sexuality change in long-term relationships?
Many couples experience less sex, but deeper intimacy. Communication about desires and openness to new things are crucial for experiencing closeness in old age.
Why is there so little talk about sex in old age?
Sexuality in old age is often a taboo in society. Gay men in particular experience invisibility or prejudice in old age. Testimonials help to change this.
How does pleasure change with age?
Pleasure can become more intense, slower or even more conscious with age. Physical changes influence the sensation - but not the ability to feel pleasure.
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